LAST ONE.

I keep a little planner to keep track of what I have to do, and this week is hectic. Every day of the week is full with help sessions and professors office hours. Finals are very stressful because in most of our classes this test is a big percentage of our grade. These exams, in some cases, will determine what our final grade in the class will be. This week is all study study study. No time to slack off or procrastinate. Time to hit the books. I just can’t wait until I finish with all of exams, so I can finally relax for a while.

I GIVE UP

Today, I was on the verge of quitting. And I've said itbefore, but I have been seriously plotting it whilesimultaneously shutting down piece by piece at work. I feelkind of bad because the persons at fault will never feel thepressure and anxiety I feel and thus I take it out on thoseI'm responsible for leading. It's a sucky position to be in- like a soggy sandwich which seemingly no support on eitherside. So more specifically, I want to quit because "the bosses"are asking for too much and there's no room for negotiationor substantial pay to match their demands, so whether Iperform or not, I lose. Lately my program hasn't beenreaching our recruitment goals and are now being threatenedwith looming "action plans" and the loss of our independenceif we don't step our game up. Sounds about right, but theadded pressures is what takes our focus away from recruitingparticipants to securing place for the actual program totake place - let alone planning the actual program itself!

GEEZZZ

I've always thought I had a thick skin. And everyone, forthe longest has said, like my Romantic Mishap, that I was"strong." Maybe this is just the way I come off to people.Or maybe there is some actual validity to it. I've beenthinking in terms of my life and the things I've had to dealwith lately and wondering if I'm strong or weak. I reallycan't tell sometimes because I spend so much time sulkingand being angry about my situation. Rather than just dealingwith it, I often find myself whining or complaining aboutit. It leaves me to believe that maybe I'm not so strongafter all. I mean, if you're really surviving, how much time are yougoing to waste complaining about your misfortune? Not much.You're going to suck it up at some point (pretty quickly ifyou want to survive) and change your situation so that youwon't be in such dire straights.

hmmm.. i like this song.

Broken this fragile thing nowAnd I can't, I can't pick up the piecesAnd I've thrown my words all aroundBut I can't, I can't give you a reasonI feel so broken up (so broken up)And I give up (I give up) I just want to tell you so you knowHere I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to youYou are my only oneI let go, but there's just no one that gets me like youYou are my only, my only oneMade my mistakes, let you downAnd I can't, I can't hold on for too longRan my whole life in the groundAnd I can't, I can't get up when you're goneAnd something's breaking up (breaking up)I feel like giving up (like giving up)I won't walk out until you knowHere I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to youYou are my only oneI let go, but there's just no one that gets me like youYou are my only my only oneHere I go so dishonestlyLeave a note for you my only oneAnd I know you can see right through meSo let me go and you will find someoneHere I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to youYou are my only oneI let go, but there's just no one, no one like youYou are my only, my only oneMy only oneMy only oneMy only oneYou are my only, my only one

tireddd.

this is what happens in the wee hours of the morning.when i can't sleep. =.1. set your iTunes or Windows Player to shuffle2. for each question, hit "next" to get the next answerIF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?i heard it through the grapevine HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?smoothie song WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?i want youHOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?the good times are killing meWHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?Jesus isWHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?speakWHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?someday you will be lovedWHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?this is neverlandWHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?an innocent man --hahahhaWHAT IS 2 + 2?one step at a timeWHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?absolute WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?all that i amWHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?the fatal woundWHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?one fine wireWHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?cuckoo's nestWHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??i just want to dance with youWHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?can't complainWHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?dreams be dreamsWHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?this week the trends WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?while you were sleeping

LMAO

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the onlytime I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) wow... so dumb.

one word, wow.

ok, so i got this email... and i found it really funny... i'm not sure if u will or not, but i did so that's all that counts...EVER WONDER... ...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word? ...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquidis made with real lemons? ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for theindestructible black box ? ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains? ...why they are called a-part-ments when they are all stuck together? ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

GRR.

Everybody makes such a big deal about it but its really simple just dont do it and you'll be ok. Thats it. Why cant you just wait. Wait till you get married and then you can have it whenever you want instead of having sex getting diseases or getting pregnant. Basically ruining your future. When you think about it its so scary because were going to be the next generation. In a couple of years were going to run this country. Were gona be the next doctors, nurses, lawyers and all that stuff. I dont know. I dont think people are trying anymore all they do is play. They dont focus on studying anymore. I dont get anybody not even myself.

ughhh.

Well there's only two more days of classes left in the semester, not counting finals days. While im excited I made it through relatively unscathed, I didn't do as well as I could. Then again, I've felt like that about ever semester of school I can remember. I accomplished one of the goals I set for myself, doing well enough to maintain my scholarship. I need to maintain a B average, and barring any epic collapses on my finals I think I have assured that. However I didn't accomplish my other goal of picking a major or a real goal for after college. Theres been a million ideas floating around my head about what to do, but I haven't been able to really sit down and get them out. Problem is I don't feel a real passion towards any of those. I really just wanna be me, but haven't quite figured out a way to make a living off that yet. I only have three real interests or passions, and those are friends, family, and my girlfriend. I'm trying to do all this while working a ton of hours at my job, maintain my school work and try to have some semblance of a social life. Not to mention being forced to go see Rent as a part of my DNY class and trying to finish up all the work I have left is making things difficult. I really just feel as if I'm at a standstill right now. Nothing is really progressing, just staying static. Hopefully with this nice long break coming up I can get centered, but right now I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

thank God.

Finally! I got through the first semester of college decently. There have been lots of ups and lots of downs. After getting used to the whole college life, things just kept finding their way into distracting me and into angering me, but I’ve worked through it.Lots of stress flew into me this year at the beginning of the school year. There were lots of things to learn and lots of things to get used to and it all just seemed to be too much! After some recollecting and somehow making everything work day by everything seemed to go down a little, but there was always something to worry about whether good or bad.The goods that I came across were most of my teachers, new friends, and good grades. Then some things went wrong and grades went bad and it was a tough time dealing with it all when I thought that I couldn’t do much to fix it. Thankfully in the end I pulled through and things didn’t turn out as bad as I expected. Midterms grades looked scary, but since I’ve seen them I’ve worked my best to try to improve them and I think I have. After being a honor roll student in high school and seeping down into a slump it doesn’t feel good at all, so the next semester knowing now what to expect and how to go about thing I plan to get all A’s which was definitely not the case the first semester around.College is definitely a right choice for me and a great opportunity that I will now appreciate more next semester and the semesters that follow. I will work to my capability from now on.