sleepless night

I couldn't fall asleep last night. I went to bed at 1022pm.For the longest time, I would stay awake, looking at the ceiling. On occassion I would fall asleep, but then I would awake perhaps 30 minutes later and the same cycle of lying awake for unknown periods of time would ensue.It wasn't as though I just had a simple case of insomnia. I laid awake thinking about many things. Mostly just my life,and how I had turned out. Actually, I just focused on all the bad experiences in life and how it turned me into the person that I am today. All my life I've been an incredibly introspective person. I even recall my thoughts when I was in the second grade. I had suicidal thoughts. Not for any sort of depressed reason though. Surprisingly, they were incredibly deep for someone who was 8 years old. At least that's how I would like to think about it. As I recall, I contemplated suicide because I couldn't find a reason for my existence. I mean, what was the purpose to my existing. Everything I had come in contact with had a purpose. The desk I sat at, the writing instrument my hand, my clothing, my books instructing me in some trivial knowledge. The blackboard, the teacher and my other fellow students. But as an individual,what was my purpose? That and also the fact that I was frightened of what the future would bring. So many unknowns,how would the future turn out?